JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
