it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
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You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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