She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
