and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
