please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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