Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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