went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
