I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
