My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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