i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
