I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
