I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
