I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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