I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
