Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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