everyone is single if you try hard enough
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
FUCK WHALES
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
