Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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