Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
