it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
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She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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