I can text with my tongue
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
