i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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