Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
