Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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