my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
