Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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