I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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