The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
