it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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