I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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