What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
