I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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