Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
