So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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