I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
