does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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