I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
