got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
