Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
