Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
