upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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