he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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