Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
