This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
