I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
