Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
