Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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