After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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