No stitches, just platelets and will power
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
