worst night to have a conscience
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
