You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
