I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
