You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
