i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
