i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
