so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
