Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
