I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
