All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize