my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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