You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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